By Mariah Cannon
Okay, I know we’re all thinking it… Or have thought it. How in the world do people make genuine connections in the outdoor world?
In this blog, I’m talking about my struggles with finding my people in the adventure community, tips on how to make friends, and maybe some encouragement to be yourself!
Friends
I feel like this can be such a hard topic, especially for adult women. It’s hard to find the person and/or group you really connect with and enjoy. I am still actively working on stepping out of my comfort zone and trying to find the group I really fit in with and be bold in making new friends.
I think a lot of the times, we can let different lifestyles and/or views re-route us from making friends with some really amazing people. There’s a book that I go back to year after year called, “Love Everyone, Always” and it essentially is teaching us how to love like God does. Which is way more challenging to do, let alone talk about.
Whenever I go through a rocky time in a friendship or have a hard time learning to enjoy someone’s company just because they’re a little different than me, I like to skim over that book to remind myself that we were not put on this earth to be the same as everyone and only find the people that are exactly the same everything as us. We were put on this earth to make connections and love kindly, regardless of different opinions, lifestyles, the way they dress, what they spend their money on, etc.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I fully think you should find a group of people who have the same goals, motivation in life, and who you can unapologetically be yourself around. However that shouldn’t stop us from building and working on those relationships with different people, especially if they bring joy to your life in any way.
So, where do we find these people? I 100% believe going to clubs/groups/events that are within your hobby circle is such a great way to meet friends. I.e. Cycle classes, hiking clubs, running clubs, book clubs, Pilates, baking and so much more.
I made a goal for this year (2025) to attend at least one class in Bend a month to network, step out of my comfort zone, and better myself. I hope you can make something similar for your own goals!
I’ve been super grateful to meet and make a lot of friends through Hiker Babes and I know those relationships will last a lifetime! At first, it was really challenging for me because I based building on friendships on people who had the same beliefs as me and didn’t actually see the amazing people they were. Once I shifted my mindset, I realized that, “Hey, I actually really like these people!” and that has helped me come out of my shell quite a bit to make some good friends.
FOMO (Fear of Missing Out)
I think this is something that quite literally nobody talks about enough and I think we definitely should. I have struggled with this for many years, with many different situations. I am very introverted and struggle stepping out and I consistently am feeling like I’m socially unable to fit in with people.
So, I have this constant back and forth in my head, “I didn’t get invited, but so and so did…” or “I don’t know if I should go because I feel like I usually get excluded.” and “I should really try to be ___ way, because that’s the vibe of their friend group.”
When I tell you, this is SO toxic. I have realized in the last few years that when you fit in, you won’t feel and think those thoughts as much. Intrusive thoughts always happen and moments of doubt are normal. Though in a true and genuine friendship, you will rarely ever have those FOMO moments with outings, conversations, level of closeness, etc. I think, as a women, this is so important to realize and to not beat ourselves up over.
We have to let go of the people, habits, and things that won’t help us grow! Friends that communicate, let you know you’re important to them, and hype you up genuinely are the ones you want to keep! And vice versa, be that friend that everyone knows they can come to and that you’ll genuinely have their back and include them in everything.
Know Your Worth
Last, but definitely not least – know your worth!! You are incredible and you will find that group you are made for, it might just take a little longer than you thought. Be patient with God’s timing, be patient with yourself, and most importantly be confident in that patience.
I have built great friendships, but I’ve also lost quite a few due to this past election year. Which saddens me, but also I know that was God doing some weeding, because even though those seemed like great friendships, I know they wouldn’t have been there in my corner when push came to shove. Stand firm in what you believe, but don’t let it hinder your ability to see them for who they are. I continue to hope those that chose to exit my life do amazing and live a long happy life, but I no longer let myself lose sleep over why they decided to leave or what I could’ve done differently, because in the end, the true ones will stay through that weeding process. And it may be years later, like it was for me, before you ever realize that is what was happening.
If there’s one thing I hope you take away from my rambling session today, I hope that it encourages you to focus on doing and finding what makes you happy, helps you grow, and encourages you in the best ways. All of these topics have been heavy on my mind recently and I hope it can spark some encouragement for everyone reading who may be struggling with something similar. Your people are out there!
Let’s Get Adventuring!
Mariah
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